//images from the garden diaries//
I’ve always wanted children. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I have always had a pretty clear vision of what my ‘motherhood’ would look like. I have always known I wanted kids somewhat young, and I wanted to be extremely involved in their lives. A regular ol’ stay at home mama.
Of course I know how much of a life change and huge weight of responsibility having children bring. Their future rests on your shoulders. their safety. their intelligence. their worldview. their potential.
It’s such a gift to be given the ability to be in charge of a child’s path, but it is such a weight.
there is always that fear.
fear of messing up, making mistakes, maybe making too many mistakes early on that it changes their whole life. maybe not being good enough. maybe not being the best.
and thats terrifying! It’s one thing to be in charge of your own life, but to be in charge of others? I can mess up my own life, but it’s mine. Potentially messing up someone else’s? Thats so much worse.
The strange thing, though, is that I never really have those fears when I think about having kids. I mean, I do if I really think about it, but it’s not overwhelming.
I realize it’s because I am so confident in myself. I am confident in my ability to love with such passion and fervor. I know I will do everything I can for my children. I know I will raise them as best I can, and love them forever, with all of my heart.
and that brings me such peace. in a time full of the unknown.
To my future self, with a babe or two: Don’t forget the excitement of wanting this part of your life. Appreciate every moment. Let the love flow freely and without restraint. God is so, so good.